Category: Daily Living
Can anyone tell me what a sighted person should keep in mind when dating a blind person and help me throughout the date,example the menu,or how to get to the place.thanks
hmmm, well to start with, guiding. it would be helpfull if you said, okay, this is in your way, or this is in your way, etc. tell them about a step if there is any, and make sure that they know there way. don't go ahead with out them. the menus as you said, i don't need to cover that. moovies i think, if you can't get a film with narative on it, you should try and describe what is happening on the screen. hmmm, when i think of others, i'll come back to this topic
it depends on the person. there's no guide, no special thing. I've been to plenty of movies without narritave discription.
when I dated my ex boyfriend, he was sighted. We didn't do anything, just when we were walking he'd say step up or down. just keep it casual, and light.
oh, and if you go to eat, read the menus, and try to keep your date relaxed. I hate eating in front of sighted people.
don't be freaked out, just be normal. *shrugs.
I pretty much agree with cala. It isn't as if blind and sighted people are totally and completely different, so just ... be normal? Deal with any problems you may encounter when you encounter them, instead of making the whole experience more complicated and awkward for both of you by stressing about it beforehand. I don't think I've ever been to a movie that was narrated, and I don't think I particularly care to, but that's just a personal preference, I suppose. Ask for assistance when you feel you need it, but remember that going out with a sighted person isn't really vastly different from going out with a blind one, or at least it hasn't been in my experience, and don't freak them out by turning every little thing into a huge ordeal. In short, just relax.
I'd just say communicate with one another as in all things. What help is needed varies, and also what level of independance someone may wish to maintain in such a situation varies likewise, so just try to gently discuss any concerns or worries, and hopefully in time you will find everything is totally natural.
Well, as someone who married someone sighted, I'd agree with the concensus so far that there are no hard and fast rules beyond being able to communicate. Keeping a sense of humor is also helpful. So much depends on the situation. When we started dating, my wife didn't drive, so we took busses or walked everywhere. In hindsight, that was probably a good thing, because we began our relationship without a sense of dependence beyond what is normal in any relationship. That's not what you asked, but it sorta came out. Sorry.
Lou
I agree in that it is highly dependent on the individual. If you need assistance, ask. If you don't, refuse and explain how you are able to do something yourself. It is a learning process for both people. Even when blindness is subtracted from the equation, dating is a process during which time both people are learning about each other.
Get to know the person as who they are and don't label them with having a disability if things don't work out. Treat the person the way you want to be treated. Simple as that. And i agree with the previous posts that as far as assistance go, they will ask for help if they need help. Some people are more independent than others and some are not. It all depends on the person your dealing with.
well put everybody. just treat them like u treat anybody else. They'll ask for your help if needed. Be calm and be yourself
And don't spend the majority of your time together asking blindness questions! Too much How-do-you-do X or Y is tedious, and can make a blind person feel as if they are just a curiosity to you, not a human being you are interested in.
Just my two cents.
Hmm well, honestly I've been around sighted people for a long time, and really agree with what is on the topic.
I've found, that it is sometimes good to help them through the curiousity as much as your comfortable with, and if they're understanding people, they won't push any further then you let them.
Some people will want to help with everything, and some will allow for you independence, its best for the sighted person to always remember to not force help on the blind person if they don't need it.
Remember, you are in control of what you will accept, and what you will dislike.
In the final analysis, you (we) are responsible for our own independence. If we trip and fall, it is not the fault of the sighted guide, it's our fault for not protecting ourselves.
If the person has never been around a blind person before they may be really uptight. It's up to you to show them that blind people are people first.
In a way, it's the same as a job interview, you are selling your abilities, and lessening your difficulties.
BTW, I hate to eat in front of sighted people too. <lol>
Bob
I'm one of those who have spent my life around the sighted, not much around the blind, and there is only a couple of things I find irritating. 1. Someone thinks they have to do everything for me, and don't ask. A good example I have in what I personally like is; about a week ago I had to go into the emergency room. My husband, (who is sighted) and I got separated. When it was time for us to walk back to the room, the nurse simply ask "So, how can I help." And after that she left it at that. She didn't push and she didn't try to do more than what I asked for. :) As far as the comment on not asking "blindness questions", I think that wholely depends on the individual. I personally don't have a problem with it. I'd wrather someone ask than them sitting there and wondering, however, I wouldn't suggest that being the only topic either. LOL. Like everyone here has said. Each of us blind people are as different from each other as you sighted people, so, go with the flow, communicate and have fun.
well, it can be hard specially on the first few dates, but what is important is open communication, just talk to him or for the best outcome. one thing for sure, don't treate the blind party like person with disable, just be your selve, just like how you usually going out with a normal date. don't make a significant different between a blind date or a sighted date.
if you feel the other party is confortable enough for you to have communication, you can ask him/her if she's confortable with the way you guide them.
this is important for you and your partner to feeling confortable with each other...
cheers, Season
As a former sighted person, I remember the first time I was around blind folk. It was very different for me not because of those who could not see, but because I had no experience with the way I am now learning how to do things myself. So here are a few things I learned then that I wish someone would have told me first!
I can tell you that what you need to do for your blind date is communicate! Listen to what your date says, very carefully, and do not just decide that what you know or think is best for the situation. When the inevitable waiter asks you what your date wants, tell them to ask your date. Just have respect for your date's feelings, tell them discreetly if there is something they should know about, and remember that your date is a normal human being with feelings, no different than you.
If you have never guided before, ask if they prefer your arm, and if so, which one. walk about a half pace in front of them, and do not push or pull them anywhere under any circumstances. If there is a step up or down, tell them.
Season is right- open communication. I also would suggest you talk with your date about these things before you are actually on the date...and remember that your date is taking a risk to trust you to be careful and thoughtful, so make the best of that trust you can. Show them you deserve it...and one more thing...have fun!!!
I think Morgonius Monk has hit the nail on the head.
I remember the first really serious date I went on with a sighted person. I think that this is important, and so far nobody else has mentioned it, but just remember that the blind person is just as nervous, if not more so, than you! After all, they're probably trying to appear as normal as possible in order not to scare you off.
If I had to give three things that you could do to make things easier, they would be:
1. Read the menu. Ok, ask him if he'd like it read, and he'll probably say yes. Don't just say "ooo that looks nice" or "So what do you fance?". Common sense, I know, but I really struggled with getting menus read.
2. Guiding. chances are, they'll be in an unfamiliar environment. Whether they're uber independent or not, it's nice on a date to link arms, hold hands, and generally be as close as possible. Use it as an excuse to get in nice and close, provided they're happy to be guided of course. When you're walking, you might like to verbally tell them about steps, or do as I do. I ask the person guiding just to squeeze their arm slightly to let me know there's a step coming. That way, conversation isn't interrupted. Don't tell them things like "we're turning left/right now" or, "we're going down a slope". thsi is super annoying, and it stilts conversation. It's also unnecessary. However, things like "keep close, because we're in a narrow space" are fine.
3. Keep as close as possible. It seems to be a common thing that blind people hate eating in front of sighted people when they're one on one or in a small group. I prefer to sit beside my date, rather than across the table, until of course, I get to know them better. Also, if you go back to your apartment, or go somewhere like the cinema or a pub, sit close. I always feel more comfortable knowing exactly where someone is, and, if you're nice and close, they can have a better handle on your body language. I don't mean sit right on top of him or anything, but don't sit curled up in a ball right at the other end of the sofa either.
Please understand, these things are by no means definitive. As said before, we blinkies are all different from each other. This is only what would make me feel comfortable.
Cheers
FM
I agree with all of the posts mentioned in this topic. It also depends on the person and what they prefer. Make sure to relax, and have fun!
Lol you dont like eating in front of sited people? Why not! lol!
Is it really that funny?
There's no real reason. I guess I just worry about dropping food (yep, I know this isn't a blind only privilage, but dropping food or spilling sauce on yourself definitely isn't the way to impress someone). I know that a lot of totals worry whether they're eating normally or not.
Things the sighted need to remember? OK, here's one. The idea that if you have seen one blind person, or in fact, anyone different from you, you've seen them all is an idea that must be abandoned immediately! The blind and all other people you don't understand are individuals just like you. If the first blind person you ever met is an asshole, that does not, not, not make all blind people assholes by association. I have spoken!
Wow, this post was made a long time ago. but yeah, was still interested to know how the date went. *GRIN*
-- Allie
This all makes sense. I'll just add one thing. Whether you're talking about a date, or just a friend, if you end up visiting a blind person's house, please, by all means, try to put the chairs, dishes, or anything else back where it normally should go. I've noticed that a lot of sighted people take it for granted that they can see where things are, even after they've been moved several times, or the desk has ben rearranged by someone else. This can be a serious mistake. I ended up breaking someone's laptop by accident, because he placed it on a TV tray right in my walking path.
Amen Godzilla! *raises both hands in the air*
First a sighted person must remember there date is blind, can't forget that. I had a few friends litterally tell me, "Oh, I forgot sometimes you are blind."
Also it's important to remember the blind person is not mute, and should speak up for themselves. Do not or limit speaking up for them as it often causes embarrassment.
Also remember to basically treat them as equals.
Guide if necessary, Read the menus, describe the movie. There is probably more, but...
Here are a few.
1. Please remember to think and try not to feel so much. It seems many times, interactions between blind people and sighted strangers are charged with emotions, second-guessing of emotions, reading or misreading intent, and so forth, and it all ends up getting ugly if you're not careful. Please continue to think and atempt to access your common sense files where necessary.
2. Understand and accept that you will never never never understand what it is really like to be blind, at least not with the fullness that a blind person does. Even simulations will only give you a small taste, but there are many aspects of it that you cannot experience in a simulation. Blind people do not try and imagine what it's like to be sighted when they try to communicate with you. Please refer to item 1 for clarity.
3. Please observe standard social rules and protocols when interacting with a blind person. They were raised by the same kinds of parents that raised you in most cases, and were taught certain things about manners. If you act or speak without observing manners, the blind person might tell you somehow that you are not acting appropriately, which will usually result in your getting defensive and angry unless you can accept that good intentions do not excuse everything.
4. For heaven's sakes, stop getting so damn angry and defensive for once! Sheesh!
I personally won't date a sighted in my life.
but as far as I'm with many of my sighted friends, most of them didn't see any difference with me.
We two blind persons are working in our office but most the sighted persons will always take me out and most of them will ignore the other blind person who he is with me. while I was enquiring about that politely with my sighted friends, they say that he's behaviours are abnormal. while asking them to explain, they said, he is keeping his hands in front while walking with a sighted person as well. he is not wearing a good clothes. he goes on rambling and rambling about something all the time which is not related to their topic and etc etc.
so, while looking at those reasons, I can see most the sighted persons are expecting us to be equvilent to them in all kinds. such as dressings, walking, even talking.
so my personal opinion is, be casual. be relaxed. and ask for help, only if needed. Give them time to learn about you. if the sighted person is new to the blind society.
Raaj.
Yeah, people forget I am blind because I don't act it at all. I might be slightly out of it with trends sometimes, but that's not due to blindness, it's just my little oddities, which we'll not discuss quite here, but so many of my friends forget completely that I am not just like them, and that I can't see there hand gestures or their motioning. I sometimes have to say, "Now, remember I can't see you."
Whenever I walk around, some people think I'm sighted. But I'm just so familiar with some of the places that I visit often that I usually have a fast pace. It's ok to have that. Jeez, people, if you see my cane, then you should know that I'm blind! Heh.
Sighted people shouldn't have to remember anything when dating visually impaired people. Members of the "blind community" ought to date within the "blind community", because they seem to have more in common with those people than with sighted people or other visually impaired people.
You can't expect partners to treat you the same as everybody else if you're constantly expecting them to keep in mind all the things that make you different.
The blind people who are all the same should be attracted to each other. All the things people have said sighted people need to remember when dating blind people, are only things you need to remember if you're dating members of the "blind community".
My advice to all sighted people is don't date blind people who are obsessed with being blind. You'll only disappoint them everytime you don't live up to their expectations by forgetting to do one of the things they told you to remember.
Well said, Senior. I couldn't agree more. If you're blind, dating someone sighted, and there are things you would like them to do, go with the flow. Bring it up if necessary, and don't if not. Like someone said earlier, bringing it up before hand is just going to make things difficult for the person, and they may feel pressure to live up to what you expect them to do. After all, you wouldn't like it if someone gave you a big long list of things they expected of you, whether blind or sighted, would you?
for once in my life, I agree with senior. if you place too much emphasis on blindness, the experience will be less enjoyable for the both of you. just be yourself, answer questions where necessary if you're comfortable, and go with the flow. the rest will all come naturally.
It isn't the first time you've agreed with me... A few years ago we agreed on a few things and I think we still do.
oh yeah, true that. I just didn't recognize your username. lol.
Hahaha. That's happened to me before
The only thing I could say about this is that some sighted people may already, without anything you've said or done, feel pressure to do things differently for you. In this case, you may want to assure them that everything is fine, and just to treat you as they would any other person.
I am not trying to put too much emphasis on blindness, I just want them to be aware, that's all. I feel comfortable around sighted people anyways and wouldn't mind going with a sighted guy.
sinior made some good points there.
i don't think sighted person should needing to remember that they are dating a blind. it will make things worse instead of helping the situation. also, blindness shouldn't ever be the enphesise issue. it might be, for people like friend Rachel, who enphesise so much that the fact she's blind, but, i seriously don't think thats the right way to go.
we're still human, even though we have some sort of disability, that shouldn't explain why we should have special treatement going out with a sighted person, or living in a sighted world.
there's no reason for a sighted person to aware of the blindness, cause its obvious in many way that we're blind. in another hand, a blind person when going date with a sighted person should aware of things. sometime, i found that blind people can be over react to things, or, over sensative. it could be simply that a sighted person dont understand how to deal with things, when they with a blind person, but most time, a blind person will take this to quite an extreme level.
If the sighted person doesn't make a big deal out of it, the blind person shouldn't either. And, if the sighted person does make a big deal with it, reassurance is usually better than a speech about blindness. Just my thoughts.
I've really only ever dated sighted people. I always make them feel comfortable if they want to ask any blindness questions but if they don't bring it up then I don't. I've been blind since birth so I don't think about it much or let it stop me from doing what anyone else would do. I've never dated another blind person before so don't know what that would be like. I never make an issue out of blindness so the people I date don't usually either. Those who do I usually don't go on second dates with.